I knew you had a flame in your heart,

Your cold cold heart. I wrote this at 12 midnight because i couldn't stop psychoanalyzing this person and i was losing sleep over it, which was just not okay. This is someone i love to hate and hate to love.

A Letter to _____:

Truly i am saddened to need to write this down at all. But you have problems that have been saddening and plaguing my mind every time i see you. Yesterday you called me ugly. You said life was better when i was absent. I am not denying that i have problems too. However, yours are deeply rooted. Your disrespect for your mother came from seeing a father disrespect and belittle her, and she didn't stand up for herself. This hurt you deeply, teaching you a general non-appreciation for women, leading you to copy your fathers ill behavior. Your father showed you very little love and you have always wanted your mother to stand up for herself, though in a twisted way, and you push and you push and you disrespect and she doesn't fight back, and this makes you angry. The imbalance between your masculine and feminine sides have led you to be a tad homophobic and sad because no one can be secure in themselves when masculine and feminine are not aligned. You weren't loved enough as a young child, leading you to have a low self worth, manifesting itself in the need to belittle me, to make me feel your pain, your suffering, to bring me down to your level, when in reality the "ugly" words you speak to me are words you feel about yourself. And with each word your soul gets blacker. Words have an undeniable energy, that goes out into the world and touches who it is meant for, just touches, but for those who speak the words it is absorbed, and ingrained into your being, your soul and slowly, you fall into a pattern, a pattern of negativity started when you were an unloved child, desiring his loving father and mother above all else. I can see the anger and the sadness you possess, in your jaw, your cold eyes, the harshness of your mouth and what comes out of it, and the way even your smile and laugh seem cruel and unforgiving. A person so unbalanced may strive for fame, money and even happiness, because they equate this with money, but even if they find it, because they are unbalanced, they will still hate themselves, still be seeking something they can't find... unless...

They break the pattern.

-Nice Words

-Love

-Kindness

And for your sake, and the world's, i hope you succeed in breaking this awful pattern

Sincerely, Gabriella

Exercise and the knots of existence

Please let me know if you have ideas for any creative insightful titles for my blog posts because i am kinda at a loss for them right now.

So i went to the gym yesterday for the first time in a long time, and realized how much better shape i'm in than i thought i was in :) Now this naturally made me really happy. However, i also realized how much power exercise holds. Exercise can pull you out of a funk and make you feel better about yourself, and can clear your mind all in one. It can also make you happy because it releases endorphins in your brain. But no matter what shape you're in, when you exercise, you should feel better about yourself because you are taking the time to love and care for your body, taking the time to get to know and understand your body. Many, many people have trouble loving themselves and their bodies, hey, even those people who seem confident. You never know what's a front for something else. So please, take the time to love yourself, and your body, and it'll love you back.

A Poem I wrote:

Love

I hear the whisper

As the winds

Caress my ear

I hear the song

the leaves

play for me

on a beautiful instrument

unknown to man

I hear the whisper

as my heart

becomes one

with them

with them

with them

Love is a funny thing

is a funny thing

is a funny thing

Volunteering

I aggressively recommend volunteering. Whenever i give my time to make the world a better place i always feel better about myself. Because you're not doing it for the money, for what society tells you you are "supposed" to do it for, you're doing it for the greater good, for the earth, for the future. America (this really applies to ALL people though) was founded on prospects, and the future, and not that i am really that patriotic, but i believe that if we go back to our roots we will find that we need to focus more on taking care of the people of this country; immigrants or not... who gives a shit?? They are people and people deserve respect! I believe that if we take care of our people, slowly, maybe very slowly, but surely, this country's problems will start to get better...and stay better!

Sometimes we need help

We need to remember:(by Gabs)

We need to remember that we are worth it.

We need to remember that we are smart.

That we have what it takes

that ultimately, it is inside us

Sometimes we need help

We need help remembering

Somehow we let ourselves forget

How awesome we are

How much drive we have in us

We forget, and all we need

Is a little help

(Thanks Mike :)

Friends

My friends make me want to be a better person. They help me see things in different lights and they are there for me when i'm having such a bad day that i can't hide it, or deal with it myself the way i usually do. My friends make me so happy when i see their faces in the morning. It's like coming up for a breath of fresh air. I love the people i talk to, and even some of the people i don't talk to or don't talk to as much anymore for one reason or another. I think that every encounter, every friend, is there for a reason. Every day that we spend with a person we like is a gift. Every honest moment we have with someone, like playing in snow at wave hill, swinging in trees, riding tireswings, laughing, playing soccer, all are gifts. Enjoy them.

Comment:

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania.

Dorothy Parker

The Searched Soul:

When I consider, pro and con, What things my love is built upon -- A curly mouth; a sinewed wrist; A questioning brow; a pretty twist Of words as old and tried as sin; A pointed ear; a cloven chin; Long, tapered limbs; and slanted eyes Not cold nor kind nor darkly wise -- When so I ponder, here apart, What shallow boons suffice my heart, What dust-bound trivia capture me, I marvel at my normalcy. Dorothy Parker

Humira, My miracle worker

haha, i haven't felt this good in soooo long!!! I am, wow, i feel so free. I feel practically normal, and just in time for summer! I have Crohn's disease, an inflammation of the intestine, my disease is particularly in the ileum, where the small and large intestine meet. I have been on so many meds, but i feel lucky compared to a lot of people with this disease. I've never needed surgery or prednisone.

I've had this disease since i was eleven, and now i'm almost seventeen. I can't begin to explain what it feels like to be sick, and to have been sick since february of junior year! and just to start feeling better now.... But i'll take what i can get and more, and what matters is that i'm happy now and i feel better!!! I can now live my life this summer!!! YAY Humira!!!

A poem I wrote:

The World as I see it

These wasteful people

with their air conditioners on

These wasteful people

with their air conditioners on

Not opening windows

Not changing

To feel the breeze

It was hot

Now it's not

Change

Open your windows to feel the breeze

Children

I love kids. They can be so innocent and sweet and cute, and when they're sad i want to make them happy. I loved being a kid and sometimes still act like one. (Mom and Me at first bday see right) Riding tire swings, running around, rolling down hills, snow ball fights, etc. I am dramatic sometimes too, just like some kids and really naive sometimes. I need statements of feelings because i am sometimes bad at figuring things out for myself, sometimes i need a little help. Like everyone else...

I am sad when i see people who have lost touch with their inner child, lost some of that joy...and even sadder when i see a lifetime of pain

A poem I wrote:

Unkind Eyes

On the subway

on the streets

Those unkind eyes

stare through

right through

Unhappy People,

moving through the world

As if in a dream

They can't wake up

They can't break free

I want to help

those unhappy people

Those unkind eyes

Look around

Times may get hard

Look around

Life is worth it

Look around

you unkind eyes

and...

Soften.

Trying to work

Have you ever procrastinated?

and Procrastinated...

and...

and.............

PROCRASTINATED. OMG this is so frustrating! Any tips?? Because i am definitely not perfect!

I have a long list of things to do!

So many wants and aspirations...

A poem I wrote:

Imaginary Girl

Been floating through the world

like an imaginary girl

without any help or pearls

I'm an Imaginary Girl

People snicker

and look away

When i pass by

they say

She's just an Imaginary Girl

a product of this crazy world

Oh, I yearn to go away

Live a life of fun

and say

I'm not an Imaginary Girl

I'm NOT an Imaginary Girl!