I Belong To The Hurricane

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Hmmm....

Posted by Gabriella (Gabs/Gabr) Landgraf-Neuhaus at 1:41 PM

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Labels: Dreams, Quote, Thoughts

1 comment:

CloudNienJuly 28, 2010 at 10:35 PM
I dig.
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About Me

Gabriella (Gabs/Gabr) Landgraf-Neuhaus: I want to work with either a non profit or government public health agency to help empower women and children around the world to get the education, healthcare, safety and security that they deserve. I want to help those who are suffering mentally and physically, and i want to help people develop a general awareness for their fellow beings. We need to treat each other with respect and kindness and understanding. No one is better than any other.

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On Death, Remembering, Living and Letting Go

I never really understood what all the fuss was about. People crying, wearing black, the drama, the incredible depths of the sorrow. My father’s father died when I was seven and I didn’t cry at his funeral, or I don’t remember crying. If I cried it was because my father cried, and it was in response to his sorrow that I let the floodgates open. I was never attached to my grandfather. I saw him maybe four times my entire life and I always seemed to be preoccupied with something, a bug, a doll, a cat, a book, when he would visit. It seems to me that it is hard for little kids to form emotional bonds to people they don’t see very often, let alone people they don’t see very often whom they don’t talk to. When I looked in my grandfather’s casket, the person didn’t look like my grandfather at all, but rather a very faulty imitation. I didn’t understand the finality of death. But on the 26^th of May 2010 my aunt Sarah died. Now I understand what all the fuss is about.

A quick death is better than long-term suffering followed by death, for both the person suffering and the loved ones of the person, because the loved ones suffer along with the person.

We need to realize that when the people we love are suffering and are beyond hope and we want to keep them alive, it is better for them and us for the suffering to be over even if they have to die. We are then able to stop suffering along with them. We form strong attachments to our family members. I could not imagine what I would do without my mom and dad. I cannot imagine a world where my mom doesn’t exist. But why is this? Why do we need to be so attached to the people in our lives? We feel a need to protect the people we love when they are vulnerable. We feel the need to protect them, but we are not really protecting them, we are protecting the love that they give to us. We are protecting our hearts, protecting the way our lives are. But it comes to a point where the ones we love are hurting so much that their suffering begins to hurt us. This doesn’t stop us from not wanting to let them go.

It is so unbelievably hard to let go. People tell us that they are better off, but how could they be better off when we can’t see them? Some people find it hard to let go of places, houses, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, but what makes it easier is knowing that even though they aren’t with you anymore they are still there. When someone dies, you can’t see their smile, get a much-needed hug, or advice. Talking to air seems silly but it helps. We also must realize that they are in a better place and that because their pain is over part of ours is too. Feeling relief and sadness is so confusing. We shouldn’t be happy but we are? It almost feels like a betrayal. “If we love them we must let them go”.

Letting go, what is that? How can we ever? Do we really need to? The answer is no. Over time the pain gets less, and it just starts to seem like the person took a permanent trip somewhere. Crying helps. We can still love them, talk to them, and laugh at memories. In my aunt Sarah’s case, she was better off dying. She could no longer live any type of life. She couldn’t walk, couldn’t eat, towards the end couldn’t even speak, and somehow, whenever I walked into her room she still managed to smile. I take solace in that she lived a life of happiness and goodness, but the world seems worse off without her in it. My mom says that she will live on through me, in my memories, and that she will always be with me…no matter what. Never forgotten… But I still miss her.

My Aunt Sari- In Loving Memory

(on the left, Sari, on the right my Aunt Roberta)

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