Take a Moment

Take a Moment

Close your eyes
Take a breath
Feel your heart beat
Take a moment
And just
Be

Look up
And feel the sky
With your eyes
And then begin to feel
The smallness and insignificance
Of your existence
And be at peace

Then take a moment
And realize the power
In this insignificance
And feel all the possibilities
That are open to you

It's been a long time

So much has changed since I last posted on here! I am now a Sophomore at Tulane University and a Public Health and Anthropology double major with an Italian Minor. I am no longer Pre-Med, but I still want to help people in any and every way that I can. I have learned that you can rely on yourself, all you need is to have confidence in yourself and to love yourself. College is hard, but life has been going pretty well recently. I am going to Urbino Italy this summer for cultural immersion and am also going to a weekend leadership summit hosted by Girl Up, a UN Foundation focused on empowering girls and young women. That's all for now!

what happens...

I need to know what happens when you can only rely on yourself. It is a feeling i have felt for a while. My parents are too... whatever the hell goes on in their minds. It is a very lonely feeling knowing that all you have to rely on is yourself. But what if you don't trust yourself? I am not feeling very optimistic at the moment, so the answer to that question is "you're screwed". I want to know where all the pain and screwed up-ness started. Pandora's Box maybe? I don't know. I just wish i could keep all these problems from affecting me.

So.... POSSE :D

I have made it to the final round for the POSSE scholarship for Colby College and i hope and hope and hope that i get the scholarship. That is all i can think about right now!!!! woah.... this is like a dream.

more poetry

the mountain standing still
the city moves and pulses
Constant flowing thoughts
flow through underground tunnels
streaming energy

please take off
take off
go on get up
for privacy this is the wrong place
Go on get up be on your way

streaming energy for
eyes that sparkle everyday
those eyes are seen
by so many people
Opening and closing

I don't want to let you in
There's no room

please take off

take off 

go on get up

for privacy this is the wrong place

Go on get up be on your way

...

The fibers of my being feel like they are tearing apart! Senior year is crazy and weird, and i can't wait for college. I am going to be so content when i am in the world being challenged. But then i ask myself, well if you're not that happy now then why do you think you'll be happy then? And then i remember things will change, AND i will make sure they are changing for the better. I am slowly becoming more me, slowly figuring out who i am and experiencing what the world has to offer has just begun!

Hey

I'm on the subway
Hey look at me. HEY! Look at me.
The world shouts rhythmically

Push and pull, here and there
Take the handle
You'll get there

The subway car
Lights up the dark Tunnel
the couple smiles
The child laughs
A baby reaches and

Push and pull, here and there
Take the handle
You'll get there

The brakes are on
Your stations next
The couple laughs
the child frets

Open, close in and out
People's faces
sail about like
dreams on an open sea

Moving moving
don't dare follow me
your eyes are not accepted here
move along

choppy expressions
never a dull face
everyone thinking
of their happy place

Push and pull, here and there
Take the handle
You'll get there

Open-minded

What exactly does this mean? And further more, how can anyone be truly open-minded with all prejudices and instinctual tendencies that we have built in? Really ask yourself. How can you truly know yourself? Because in reality we learn new things about ourselves every day until we die. To think you truly know yourself is ignorance. It also gives you a feeling of superiority over others, allowing you to close yourself off, to protect yourself. You shouldn't have to protect yourself, you should be able to just let yourself be.

Time

I am living on borrowed time, or at least that's what it feels like. If it wasn't for medicine and all the advancements they've made over the years, i would have died about six years ago. Somehow, this isn't scary, just sad. When i think of all the people who wouldn't have touched my life. All the friends i wouldn't have missed, never having known them. I am happy i didn't die. These are the thoughts that circulate my mind when my birthday comes to town. SOOO CHEESEy!

Being Positive

I love being positive and happy. I love being nice. I love being optimistic. I don't let myself get pushed around. I am often shy when expressing my feelings towards someone i really like. I have trouble letting myself be vulnerable, like so many other people, i have been hurt before so i have a very sturdy wall. I hate bitches. I hate injustice. I believe that people should treat others the way they want to be treated, and i try to live by this.

I am not perfect.
                         I am not perfect.
                                                  I am not perfect.

I sometimes break my promises to myself. I consider the first paragraph of this post to be some of the promises i have made to myself, about who i want to be. I want to be loved. I want to give love. I want to be happy. I want to be a good person. I have no desire to create drama or be involved in or have anything to do with any kind of hatred. And, at the end of the day... i will stand up for myself, people whom i care for, and people who just don't deserve to be treated poorly. And now that i am typing this, i realize, and have realized before. That no one... no one deserves to be treated poorly.

But i can't stand up for everyone... I wish i could.

Bitch! Don't mess with me.

It was loud today. I mean loud. Like i could hear the lyrics from all the way upstairs, through the floor. So i waited a while and then i was fed up, because i needed to concentrate and the music was making that really difficult. So i went downstairs and knocked politely once, and louder again, and even louder again. The fourth time i knocked really loud and the wife of the very sweet man who lives downstairs came to the door. I said "Could you please turn your music down? I can hear it from all the way upstairs." And she said, in a very nasty voice, "It is daytime, so no." And promptly shut the door in my face. I do not take well to bitches. I like being nice, and i really try, but i am not one to let myself be pushed around. Aren't you supposed to treat your neighbors with respect? After all you do have to live with and around them. So i got angry. I didn't want to scream at her, because someone that inconsiderate does not deserve the effort i put in to try to communicate with people. So i did the only other thing any physically fit angry teenager would do: Get even. After all it was "daytime" right? Implying that i can do whatever the fuck i want to do during the day, and she can't do shit about it. I jumped. I jumped with all my might. I am strong and i have endurance. I jumped for a long time, 4-5 minutes straight, as hard as i could. Because, hey, it's "daytime." I did two rounds of five minute jumping, so hard that my whole apartment was shaking, the pictures were banging on the walls threatening to fall off. Sure enough, she came upstairs and knocked. Bitch, it's "daytime." Don't make me angry. And from then on, i had quiet.